Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
