i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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