If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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