Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
