you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
