I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Randomize
