ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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