I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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