Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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