I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
