Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
