And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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