Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
