She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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