my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
