I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
