dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I still have a little drunk in my system
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
