that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I want her autograph on my taint
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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