hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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