Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
