y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
