i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
