PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
