it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
