I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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