How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we're making bets on your personal life
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
