Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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