the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
