today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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