My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
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