Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
