we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
