whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
