just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
you never un-have a 4some
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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