my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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