dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
