worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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