Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
