dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
