hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
