After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
