Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
