I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
