Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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