Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
