its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
