she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
