I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
