haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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