News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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