I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
