i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
