I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
