I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I intend to get homeless drunk
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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