He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
