So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Randomize
