I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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