I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Randomize
