i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
